January 2012
1 post
December 2011
1 post
November 2011
1 post
October 2011
3 posts
From the Princeton Alumni Newsletter, Fall 2011
After completing her seventh triathlon using a bike she welded from titanium she mined, riding on a course she designed and paved using gold she carried flake by flake from mines she discovered with her eyes closed, swimming in a wetsuit made from seals she skinned by hand and stitched together using thread she wove from her own luxurious hair, three-time MacArthur Genius Grant recipient Maxine...
August 2011
2 posts
July 2011
1 post
“The rapper’s attorney Salvatore Strazzulo told NBC News that if the case...”
– Foxy Brown, the founding father of bad bitches. This chick hit on my boyfriend HARD in a bleak-looking Rasta restaurant once, and I honestly count that moment as the one where I knew I’d snagged me a good one. Foxy Brown approves of my big weird white dude, I can quit the game, go home, put my...
June 2011
3 posts
I wrote about my dating life for Low Log. →
May 2011
7 posts
2 tags
Relationship Ephiphanies
I just realized that my following this blog is the equivalent of my boyfriend’s choice to follow like 20 tumblrs dedicated to bubble-butts.
Moment of [too sad to post?] clarity.
"Our principal announced we were to evacuate the... →
“What I really want to stress is there’s no need for panic.”
– Reginald Zimmerman, spokesman for the Executive Office of Energy and Environmental Affairs, on the SEVENTEEN-FOOT-LONG GREAT WHITE SHARK spotted off Martha’s Vineyard today.
April 2011
9 posts
2 tags
“Animal lovers should stop calling their furry or feathered friends ‘pets’ because the term is insulting, leading academics claim. Domestic dogs, cats, hamsters or budgerigars should be rebranded as ‘companion animals’ while owners should be known as ‘human carers’…Even terms such as ‘wildlife’ are dismissed as insulting to the animals...
On the pervasive nature of disordered eating...
Young girl in flame-painted bra and booty-shorts, carrying an enormous battle axe: God, I am like, so hungry. Can you hold my axe? I’m going to get a bagel.
Young girl wearing striped knee socks, black underwear, belt made of bullets and neon pink sea-anemone-looking wig: Yeah, totally. Can you get me something? I haven’t eaten since Tuesday.
Battle axe: I know, right? I haven’t eaten in like 5...
2 tags
March 2011
2 posts
February 2011
6 posts
1 tag
A very personal blog post.
Today I made another tumblr. And it’s something that has, in a very short time, become very close to my heart. I think that each of us has something twisted and embarrassing inside of us that, nevertheless, we secretly love and want people to know about. For some people it’s about eating in the middle of the night while crying. For other people it’s being attracted to people who...
WANTED
One well-rehearsed band in need of a hair-whipping, bass-worshipping, harmony-murdering Karen-O-meets-Ke$ha-with-a-splash-of-Bjork lead singer. Leather pants optional. You should be polished and on the brink of success. I will speak for us in interviews and promise to never date any of you, will inevitably date one of you, and when we break up you’ll most likely be kicked out of the group. Must be...
January 2011
7 posts
Hannahmight: A few of the insomnia cures I have... →
hannahmight:
Lullabies. The imaginary protective net my parents would pretend to put over my bed every night. Their exhausted pleas to just “think happy thoughts.” One more story. One more glass of water. An Enya tape given to me by a babysitter, who told me it helped her sleep. Countless mugs of warm milk….
To which I add the following: There is nothing more disheartening than going...
A Cool New App
emmyblotnick:
— I just got a new app that tells you when you’re going to get laid! — Whoa. — Yeah, you should download it. — I just did! How do you use it? — Just click “Estimated Time Until You Have Sex Again.” (Both phones load) — Mine says…negative 24 years? — Mine just redirected to Gizmodo :(
December 2010
6 posts
Today at breakfast with the Motley Crue my family, the conversation somehow turned into Everyone Tells A Story About How They Were Once Hit By A Car. Completely skipping over the fact that my entire family has been hit by cars and has somehow remained relatively un-brain dead (except in cases of extreme amounts of rum) the best part of the morning was when my...
Please don’t tell my parents. Or my Alma Mater.
I know I should find it disconcerting that– after five months’ worth of frantic emails and late nights spent in this office, staring at spreadsheets until their contents were burned into my retinas like a sun scar– upon the actual evening of my very first hundred-thousand-dollar-event, no less than twenty people approached me and connected their congratulatory comments to a remark about how...
More money, more problems.
Spend a huge amount of your free time in bathtubs that are not yours, while a bath bomb that some company on Newbury Street had the absolute audacity to call “Kiss Me Klimt” fizzles slowly in the corner by your left toes. Wrack your brain for the next Twilight. Think out loud. Say things like, “Could Mermaids be the new Werewolves?” and “A ghost with a soul! He loves his next door neighbor! Or...
November 2010
2 posts
“I was thinking, if he gets hit I can’t go to work. It’s Sunday. I...”
– Subway hero Carlos Flores, who credits ‘a mixture of benevolence and not wanting to miss an overtime shift’ with motivating him to save the life of a man who had fallen in front of the 6 train.
Kindness of strangers, holidays, state of the universe, topical, whatever.