What is happening to me? Why does this look really great to me? What is happening to my brain?

I stood in the back of a West Lebanon, NH Wal-Mart this weekend and I fingered this sweatshirt and I thought: Oh, yes. That is rad. That is some woodsprite-hoodrat new slang right there. You are ahead of the times, Rihanna hasn’t even TOUCHED THIS SHIT yet. Does it come in a Medium? Does it come in neon yellow? Does it come in a jumpsuit?

And then I stepped slowly backwards, into a display of plastic babies, and I closed my eyes. And I walked away. But you know what? I stand by it. Jumpsuit. Check back here in like 2 years and I’ll be nice about telling you I told you so.

Staying ahead is really exhausting, you guys.